i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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