she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
