You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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