i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
