Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize