Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
