thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
