So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
