I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
