We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
