Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
