omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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