my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
