You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
