just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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