I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
