he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
