Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
