I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize