This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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