actually, I'm a sock model
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
two words: eviction party
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
