People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
