four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You left your phone here
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