You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
