Will you blow on my dice?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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