Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
