Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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