Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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