I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
