Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
