Do you still have your period?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
