I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
