I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
