I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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