I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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it glows. i had to have it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
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the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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