Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
