I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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