Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
