it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
