I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Randomize
