happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
