He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
