i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
