What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Quick, to the slutcave!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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