She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
