Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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