If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
