I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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