i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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