My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
