i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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