3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
