we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
