I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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