Im at strip club and am horny
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
