Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
