Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize