Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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