Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
