I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
