One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
