My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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