how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
