Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
