fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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