She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
