for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
