Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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