i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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