Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
