Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
