I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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