Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
