Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My ass is underappreciated
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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