I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
