I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
