Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
