That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
