the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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