I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
