I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
