There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
