Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
